Jan 30

This has been an interesting weekend to say the least. To say more would be too embarrassing/depressing/uplifting/personal/other adjectives.


3
Jan 29

It’s my 4 year Cab-iversary

I see The Cab tomorrow. 


1
Jan 28

It’s sad cause your love is like a bus; I may miss you but I know more will come.

Dear gods, thank you for You Me and Everyone We Know. 


Jan 28

I just want to tell you this:

I care about you. I still care about you. I want you to be happy. It was obvious that you haven’t been happy lately. If I truly cared about you I’d want you to be happy. Though I’d prefer if you were happy with me because I enjoyed us, I understand that you weren’t. I want, sometime in a few weeks or months, for us to be friends because I really do care about you. For now though, figure out your own life and I’m going to try to move on. It hurts, and it’s going to hurt. I didn’t expect you to end it or to end it now. I didn’t want you to see how much it hurt. I cried until I had no more tears, I talked until I ran out of things to say, and then I drank until I puked, and kept drinking.

The next few weeks will be hard, but I really do care, still. 


Jan 28

Anonymous asked: I'm sorry you're having such a bad week. I wish I could do something to help, but you're in my thoughts...

Thank you anon. It’s been a hard few weeks, but I’m feeling OK. I know that this OK feeling is temporary, the same way that this depression will be temporary. I’m determined to be happy. 


1
Jan 27

I am now single.


5
Jan 24
A year ago today I got my first tattoo. It’s strange to think that a year ago I was starting my last semester as a high school senior, had no direction in my life, and had no idea where I was going. I was fighting with my parents, I didn’t know where I was going for college, I was working nights at a barn.  It feels like forever ago.  I feel like I’m much older. I’m starting my second semester of college. I know my major, I know a basic career path, I know what I’m doing (sometimes). I’ve started to get along with my mother. I have fulfilled my only childhood dream. I have Lark. I feel like a totally different person than I was a year ago. In all, I feel happier.  And, I still haven’t forgotten why I have this… I refuse to give up and I refuse to stop swimming. (please, someone get the reference, I’m begging you). I love it just as much as I did a year ago. I still feel my fingers wander across it when I need a little reminder of why I’m still here. 

A year ago today I got my first tattoo.

It’s strange to think that a year ago I was starting my last semester as a high school senior, had no direction in my life, and had no idea where I was going. I was fighting with my parents, I didn’t know where I was going for college, I was working nights at a barn. 

It feels like forever ago. 

I feel like I’m much older. I’m starting my second semester of college. I know my major, I know a basic career path, I know what I’m doing (sometimes). I’ve started to get along with my mother. I have fulfilled my only childhood dream. I have Lark. I feel like a totally different person than I was a year ago. In all, I feel happier. 

And, I still haven’t forgotten why I have this… I refuse to give up and I refuse to stop swimming. (please, someone get the reference, I’m begging you). I love it just as much as I did a year ago. I still feel my fingers wander across it when I need a little reminder of why I’m still here. 


Jan 21

Anonymous asked: Sorry you're having such a bad week. While I like the idea of you posting more here, I wish it was for a happier reason. Take care of yourself...

Anon, I promise you, I’ve tried to be positive lately. This past week I’ve tried to force myself to be happy. I’ve tried to convince myself that all the things I saw going wrong were all in my head. When it turned out that those problems were quite real it broke my will to force positivity. I’ve been having breakdowns almost daily, and I think that the only way I can get better is to acknowledge and work through my emotional states and writing helps me through that. 

Sometimes I wish that I knew who you are. I feel like if you knew the whole story, if I could tell you exactly what’s going down and why I’m a wreck without telling anyone who can search out my blog you’d be able to understand.

I’m trying but I’m swimming against the current. 


Jan 21

Nap Time

I’ve pushed myself pretty hard the past few days. So napping now, more homework later, and then a night in the dorms with Daniel. It’ll be nice to have a chill day. :)


Jan 20

Goals for today:

Eat food. I realized at about 7pm yesterday that I hadn’t eaten since 5 on Wednesday. So…fix that.
Be positive. This is a goal for the next week; be upbeat and happy everyday. Maybe if I force myself for a bit it’ll make it natural later.