Welcome back to the Wonderful World of Riley:

As my blogging of late has been rather superficial, I feel the need to take advantage of the ill humor which has gripped me and turn it into a nice little glimpse into the darker corners which I’ve been neglecting.

My story starts about two months ago. I had friends and I had recently acquired a boyfriend. Things were pretty good. I was a little uncertain of myself in this new relationship, but I was going with it. It was nice, we’d go out on Friday and/or Saturday and talk most other days. The only problem that was really there was that I had stopped using my weekend nights to drink/party with my friends. That’s when I started to lose friends. One in particular started to drift away. She was one my two closest friends at school, so I was feeling a little abandoned. She got a boyfriend. And never told me. She then decided to ask my other very close friend for a ride to go see him (he lived about a two hour drive away) and never asked me. I would’ve been happy to help her new budding relationship, but when hearing that she didn’t even consult me, I was a little offended.

Fast forward a few weeks, I blew up at her in the lounge in front of a ton of people. Then Thanksgiving break.

Fast forward a few more weeks. I’ve apologized to both my close friends. One will acknowledge me in passing (the one I blew up at), and the other continues to ignore me. She paid attention to me for a grand total of 36 hours when my boyfriend and I were on the verge of possible break up. Now, none of my friends will talk to me, save one, and I’m forever grateful for that one. My relationship isn’t perfect, and I’ve done things that I regret, but I’m surviving.

Fast forward to these past few days. I never told my parents about my sudden loss of social contacts. I spent most of today fielding the “Did you see any of your friends at the game?” questions from my mom. I couldn’t very well tell her that I don’t actually have any friends. Yesterday my iPhone decided to misbehave and didn’t work for several hours. During this time that my phone decided to spend pouting, I was at a football game in Shreveport, LA. My school had gotten to a bowl game (and won, may I say) and I had to go because it’s not likely (in my mind) to happen again soon. Also, during this time sans-phone, I got a call from the student barn’s manger. Lark, my baby, managed to get a puncture wound the diameter of a pencil in his leg. The manager called to ask me about a vet. I wasn’t able to get back to her for four hours. So in addition to being angry at my phone, I was a 10 hour drive away and utterly powerless to help my injured horse. It was not a very good time last night.

Now, today, I got some less than uplifting news, and a small reminder that I’ve not been doing a good job at keeping my hopes high and expectations low. The boyfriend has been promising since Thanksgiving that he’d visit me over winter break. Today he dashed the hope (expectation, actually) that he’d make good, to pieces. It’s been over an hour (it’s about 9:30cst) and all I’ve managed to text him back is “ok.”. There’s really not much else to say to him at this point. I don’t trust myself because when I get dashed like this my mood swings from depression to anger pretty quickly. So, I’ve been doing what I usually do: took a shower, brushed my teeth, found my retainer, and as I’m typing I’m picking out a nail polish color in my head. Fair warning: If I look my best for no obvious reason, it’s fair to assume that I’m at my worst.  It really sucks to have the one thing that was going to make this break bearable taken away.

At this point, I’ve been in Chicago for a week and half and I’ve seen one, count it, one friend. And that was Austin, who I drove to school last week. (That doesn’t count Joel, because Joel rarely factors into any equation that I make. He’s a given factor in my life and that’s something that I have to deal with). I’ve spent most of the rest of the time at home, alone or with my parents. Hell, I even put myself to bed before midnight half the time because I’m too bored. 

So, my readers/stalkers extraordinaire: There you all go. A look into the less than pleasant side of Riley that you all have, I’m sure, been missing.